wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
