i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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