You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
