my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I AM VODKA MAN
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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