it was like his penis was on wheels.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
