I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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