You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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