I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
