I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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