went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Im part way to drunk.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
