Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
