bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize