Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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