She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
