Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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