And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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