she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
