I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
