i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
