Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
