I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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