just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
did i just pee glitter
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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