I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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