And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
