if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
