You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
