He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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