Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
