well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
