At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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