I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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