I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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