We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
