and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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