Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
