I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
