On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
