I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
