My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
