A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I have already put on my inside pants.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
