you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
