im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
