Where is the hickey?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Randomize
