Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
