I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
