Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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