I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
