My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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