roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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