How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
