why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
