Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She swung at the pinata with crutches
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
