Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
