Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
North Korea, Best Korea!
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
