Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
