you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
