They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
