yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
