We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
So. Much. Porn.
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