Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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