dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
