So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
