i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
