Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Walk of Shame today included voting.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
They are going to name an STD after you.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
